June: Pride, rainbows, glitter, leather and BDSM!

It's June, Pride Month is being celebrated worldwide! It is time for CSDs, demonstrations and parades. Every year, people from the LGBTQ+ community, so-called “allies,” gather in all sorts of countries and cities kinky People to run with it. Every year the discussion begins: Heard BDSM at Pride?

This year in particular there are many voices from the USA for and against BDSM and Kinksters at Pride. There is also discussion as to whether Police officers at Pride should be present, but the topic of BDSM and kink at Pride public events is a particularly charged topic in the community.

The History of Pride

We have the background story of Pride and Christopher Street Day for you here provided in detail, therefore only a shortened summary is given here. Pride didn't start as a fun, pretty parade with people on the sidelines cheering on the participants. Pride began as a demonstration, an uprising against discrimination and violence queer people were exposed to in the 1960s. During the Stonewall uprising on June 28, 1969, it was drag queens, black trans people and Latinxs who stood on the front lines against the New York police and defended their lives.

Kinksters were already at her side at this point Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera , two of the most prominent trans drag queens involved in the uprising. At that time, drag was put on the same level as BDSM; from a purely legal perspective, drag queens or cross dressers were also considered “sexual deviant ”, i.e. sexually deviant and therefore as sick. At that time, the famous bar Stonewall Inn was not only a place for homosexuals, drag queens, trans and inter people as well as queer teenagers, but also for lesbians (dykes on bikes) and leather daddies.

Another example is Brenda Howard , also referred to as the "Mother of Pride". She was one of the co-organizers of the first Christopher Street Liberation Day Parade, chairwoman of the same committee, founder of the New York Area Bisexual Network (NYABN), and active member of ACT UP and various other LGBTQ+ groups and movements. She is considered a front figure for sexual liberation at the time. Additionally, she was openly kinky, polyamorous and part of the lesbian leather movement. Over a period of more than 20 years, she played a significant and important role in the movement.

“Bi, Poly, Switch — I know what I want.”

BUTTON BY BRENDA HOWARD

What role does kink play in this story?

Many of the gay bars back then had a BDSM character, as the leather scene and Fetishes often went hand-in-hand in gay culture. These are by no means newfangled phenomena. In many ways, things have even evolved separately. If you look at San Francisco at the same time, the South of Market , a neighborhood popular with queer people, was created at the same time Folsom culture.

When in the 1980s the As the AIDS pandemic rages in the USA and eats through the queer community, ACT UP organizes riots and flash mobs to draw attention to themselves and the problems. Here too, drag queens, sex workers and kinksters are together at the forefront of the sexual liberation movement. The so-called leather lesbian and biker clubs also led the movements.

At the same time, they took care of each other. When someone was dying of AIDS, the BDSM community ensured that clothing, such as a leather suit, was saved and not discarded. They visited dying people in hospitals and provided support. A close-knit group that sticks together and is bound together by their status as outcasts and unwanted people. This is precisely what created an alliance of protection and security.

The conflict – No BDSM and Pride

So the BDSM community played an important role in the emergence of the Pride movement. What exactly does the conflict within the community look like? Here are some of the counter-arguments:

Some people feel the stigma attached to BDSM as well as the scene spread Clothing as burdensome for Pride. Neither is representative of the LGBTQ+ community, which today in the Western world is no longer just fighting for social recognition, but also for changes in basic rights, legal situations and official recognition.

Another argument is that BDSM contributes to the sexualization and fetishization of people from the LGBTQ+ community. Because fetishes are firmly associated with BDSM. This poses a problem for some in that every group in the LGBTQ+ community is seen as a hypersexual object or even fetishized by certain parts of society.

Furthermore, it is argued that BDSM sexuality disturbs children and young Pride participants when kinksters on site use theirs sexuality show openly. This is less about sexual acts and more about simply depicting them Power imbalances, fetishes or the suggestion of actions, for example Bondage area.

The latter in particular is an important part of the final argument, namely the absence of Consent. It is stated that the participants of the events do not agree to see and experience sexualized acts between people. If kinky acts are displayed at Pride, it is by definition against the rules of BDSM.

So why does BDSM belong at Pride?

Pride is a demonstration, not a family celebration

The Pride events are not intended as family-friendly street festivals, but are still political and socially critical demonstrations to this day. The fact that Christopher Street Day, for example, has a festive character in many cities is due to the years of brutal battles that have been and are being fought in this name. If you look at non-Western countries or even neighboring countries like Poland, it becomes clear: such events are important to fight for queer rights. Pride is an event that focuses on sexuality and sexual identity. This also includes those from the BDSM area.

While LGBTQ+ parents, families and children certainly have a place at Pride, in many ways they are not the audience being targeted. At the same time, universal education is important. Children are often confronted with hyper-sexualized things at an early age and if they are curious, they can get to know them without a big colorful casserole. Especially in the BDSM community you hear about these early needs. Therefore, a certain, mindful and reflected confrontation is probably even good in order to realize early on that such sexualities and needs are normal and okay.

BDSM isn't always just sex

Although BDSM and kink are not always sexual, these topics are discussed in the social perception usually associated with sexual acts, which is why it is difficult for many to imagine their visibility at Pride events without depicting sexual acts. While it goes without saying within the scene that BDSM is not always sexual, think Vanillas when they see people with masks, collars and see linen, directly to something sexual. And that's exactly why kink belongs at Pride: to educate. To show that it's not always just about sex, that as a person with a collar you don't give up your rights and to show the deep appreciation that BDSM relationships are characterized by.

However, this only has weight if this behavior is adhered to, i.e. BDSMers do not do so publicly play or present themselves hypersexually. We have to become aware of what can already be seen as a sexual scene to outsiders: licking boots, Pet play or Spanking may not be sexual for us, but for others they are very borderline. Even if nothing happens, many people interpret a certain appearance or demeanor as sexual behavior. But in order to adequately represent kink and BDSM, no one should feel uncomfortable.

“Kinksters don’t go to Pride to have sex. Just because we show up in clothes that are appropriate for the parade (…). So me in my leather outfit is not just me, the one session has or is trying to have sex. (…) If you're worried about seeing something sexual, then you probably shouldn't go to CSD, an event that's about sexual liberation!”

AMP – WATTS THE SAFEWORD

BDSM is not brand friendly

Especially in 2021 you will notice it even more clearly: many brands and large companies are releasing Pride collections. Everything is given a bit of a rainbow for a month. However, this alone makes many companies neither an LGBTQ+-friendly alliance nor institutions worth supporting. Because making your Instagram profile picture colorful for a month or releasing some LGBTQ+ merchandise does very little good for the movement. Especially when the decisions, strategies and customer approaches of these companies otherwise ignore or even discriminate against the community (see also: pinkwashing ). Instead, the floats and groups at the Pride parades are mostly sponsored by alcohol brands and smaller sex shops rather than Calvin Klein and Nivea.

The more compliant the Pride movement becomes, the more it could become a consumer product and reason and the political origins will fade. But BDSM is uncomfortable, and big brands in particular tend to distance themselves from it. By integrating the BDSM scene, big brands in particular are kept at a distance.

And what does the community say?

I asked on Twitter and Instagram what people's opinions were this topic have. As expected, the responses were very mixed :

“It just goes hand in hand with stigmatization and objectification and that’s not possible. Pride events are also something that is there for people who have to repeatedly justify and hide themselves and are exposed to violence and murder because of their sexual orientation or gender. This is a different house number than a Foot fetish or BDSM lovers. Because these people are not in Germany by law discriminated against and generally do not experience the kind of discrimination that queer people have to face for something that is not a preference but something that is given to them.”

SAMARA DE SADE ON INSTAGRAM

"Yes. The struggles are intersectionally similar. Historically it is part of it. We should not allow ourselves to be divided and should not elevate “respectable” to the highest value. Sexual minorities that include straight people must also be welcome.”

THEBRATED APPLE ON TWITTER

“This is a very bad form of whataboutism. There are people fighting for society to accept that they are normal, nothing special. Just people that love other people. And then people say “but we have to be proud of our kink”, so be proud of a special sexual practice. Totally different category! “The one thing is who you love, the other thing is what you do in the bedroom.”

BEYOND NORMALITY ON INSTAGRAM

“Pride is about demonstrating for the right to free development of one's personality. To draw attention to discrimination, especially in the context of sexuality/gender/relationships. Excluding kink is incompatible with that.”

EORA ON TWITTER

Pride and BDSM: So how can it work?

Establishment of Family Friendly Zones

Of course, minors and people with children should also be able to attend Pride. But it should not be forgotten that these events are not made specifically for this. They should be able to participate, but not determine the character of an entire event.

So you could introduce moderated, family-friendly areas that are not allowed to be entered by participants that could be offensive to children and other people. Other dedicated content and offers could also take place here that are specifically aimed at queer and LGBTQ+ families, parents, children or people who do not want to be confronted with sexually explicit representations. In some larger cities like London this concept is already being used.

Make the dress code and code of conduct more transparent

While there are D standards for most events, as for everything, the rules for Pride events are virtually not publicly visible, making them difficult to understand and enforcement is not uniform. There were a few at the CSD in the Ruhr area in 2018 Puppy Players asked to remove their masks . A decision that was subsequently deemed invalid.

By communicating the rules and dress code in advance, transparently and unambiguously, serious violations can be avoided. A good example are carnival events, which use signs on the side of the road to inform participants, on the one hand, of what is permitted and, on the other hand, of what they can expect in this area. For example, if a sign says: “Masks are permitted to express one’s individual personality,” then you know that masks, even in a sexualized context, are to be expected.

Educate instead of devaluing

Basically, the basic idea of ​​sexual education also applies to Pride. This means: if you go to Pride, you should be prepared to speak openly if you publicly present yourself as a BDSM person. This does not mean breaking down your private preferences or even displaying them, but rather communicating about BDSM in a mindful and reflective manner. This is the only way to provide lasting and comprehensive information.

Tip : Jasmin and Serina also talk in their podcast “Nerd is their hobby” about the discourse about whether kink can be represented at Pride and if so, how. Episode 42 entitled “Why We Belong” is available on the Podcast website , Apple Podcasts , right here via the Spotify player and wherever podcasts are available.