Kinky Scene 101: Safer Space

Author: Kat Kristall

Kinky Scene 101: Safer Space

The kinky scene is booming: more and more events, get-togethers, educational centers and parties are springing up all over Germany. This is basically a great thing! The scene has been playing out in dark corners for far too long. The more light is shed on the scene, the more the unsightly spots become apparent. Because some clubs, organizers, educators and even visitors are anything but safe.

We often read about allegations of abuse, misuse of power, discrimination or aggression. So how can you ensure that the places or events you visit are actually safe?

Safe Space

A term that has become increasingly popular in recent years is safe space. But what exactly is a safe space? It is a physical or virtual place that aims to be safe, supportive and free from discrimination, harassment or judgement for all participants. In a safe space, people should feel free to speak openly about their thoughts, feelings, identities and experiences without fear of rejection or hostility.

But?

A safe space requires complete security of a place, i.e. the exclusion of discrimination.  While this is a noble motive, it is unfortunately far from reality. Unfortunately, this can only be achieved to a very limited extent in small spaces. It is hardly possible at a kinky event. That is why many events prefer to use the term safer space.

Safe Space vs. Safer Space

The difference between "safe space" and "safer space" is subtle but important. A safe space is a place where people should feel safe and able to openly share their experiences and identities, free from discrimination or judgement.

A "safer space" is a variation of the safe space. While a safe space aims to create the safest space possible, a safer space recognizes that absolute safety is not always possible. A safer space therefore often involves active involvement by all participants to work together to create an atmosphere that is as safe as possible. This may mean that participants make agreements together to treat each other with respect, respect boundaries, and look out for each other.

So if an event acknowledges that there is no such thing as an absolute safe space, then the organizers have reflected on it and acknowledged the problem. Usually, additional measures are taken to ensure safety.

What could measures for safer spaces look like?

Audience control: Ideally, you have to register for events in advance. This helps the organizers to trace any attacks. IDs should also be checked to ensure that people are of legal age. Some events also record profiles, gender and age in order to have a certain audience. A few events only admit people after a screening/verification. It is important that these controls are not a measure for further discrimination to exclude people.

Clear rules: An event with clear rules is a good sign. There should be clear instructions on behavior, prohibitions, limits and also disciplinary measures. It is best to display these rules so that they are clearly visible.

Consensus note: In addition to general rules, it is especially important to point out consent at kinky events. In other words, to explicitly point out that exceeding a "no" will lead to exclusion from the event, and that without a clear "yes" neither touching nor other behavior is permitted.

Awareness team: An awareness team is present and approachable during the event to help in cases of aggression, conflict or discomfort. The members are often clearly identified and move around the event, speak to people and are always approachable. They often also offer a place to retreat in the event of discomfort.

Security: An awareness team is no substitute for security, as security is primarily there to provide physical protection and, if in doubt, to remove the person from the event. An awareness team cannot replace that.

Blacklist: An active list of people who are no longer allowed to attend the event and to which people who have behaved badly at their own or other events are added. This is where the exchange with other events in the region is particularly important.