Kinky Scene 101: Safer Space

Author: Kat Kristall

Kinky Scene 101: Safer Space

The kinky scene is booming: more and more events, regulars' tables, educational centers, and parties are springing up all over Germany. This is fundamentally a great thing! The scene has been operating in dark corners for far too long. However, the more light is shed on the scene, the more the unsightly areas become apparent. Many clubs, organizers, educators, and even visitors are anything but safe.

We repeatedly read about allegations of abuse, misuse of power, discrimination, or aggression. So how can you ensure that the places or events you visit are actually safe?

Safe Space

A term that has gained increasing popularity in recent years is "safe space ." But what exactly is a safe space? It is a physical or virtual space that aims to be safe, supportive, and free from discrimination, harassment, or judgment for all participants. In a safe space, people should feel free to speak openly about their thoughts, feelings, identities, and experiences without fear of rejection or hostility.

But? A safe space presupposes the complete security of a place, meaning the exclusion of discrimination. While that's a noble motive, it's unfortunately far from reality. Unfortunately, that can only be achieved to a very limited extent in small spaces. It's almost impossible at a kinky event. That's why many events prefer to use the term "safe space ."

Safe Space vs. Safer Space

The difference between " safe space " and "safer space" is subtle but important. A safe space is a place where people should feel safe and can openly share their experiences and identities, free from discrimination or judgment.

A "safer space" is a variation of a safe space. While a safe space aims to create the safest possible space, a safer space recognizes that absolute safety is not always possible. A safer space therefore often involves the active participation of all participants to work together to create an atmosphere that is as safe as possible. This may mean that participants make agreements to treat each other respectfully, respect boundaries, and look out for one another.

So, if an event acknowledges that there is no such thing as an absolute safe space, then the organizers have reflected on this and acknowledged the problem. Typically, additional measures are taken to ensure safety.

What could measures for safer spaces look like?

Audience screening : Ideally, advance registration for events is required. This helps organizers track any potential abuse. IDs should also be checked to ensure attendees are of legal age. Some events also collect profiles, including gender and age, to ensure a certain audience. A few events only admit people after a screening. It's important to note that these screenings are not a means of further discrimination designed to exclude people.

Clear rules : An event with clear rules is a good sign. These should include clear instructions regarding behavior, prohibitions, boundaries, and even disciplinary measures. It's best to post these rules to make them visible.

Consensus note : In addition to general rules, it's especially important at kinky events to emphasize consent . This means explicitly stating that violating a "no" will result in exclusion from the event, and that without a clear "yes," neither touching nor any other behavior is permitted.

Awareness Team : An awareness team is present and available throughout the event to assist in cases of aggression, conflict, or discomfort. Members are often clearly identified and move around the event, addressing people, and are always available. They often also offer a place to retreat in case of discomfort.

Security : An awareness team is no substitute for security, as security is primarily there to provide physical protection and, if necessary, remove the person from the event. No awareness team can replace that.

Blacklist : An active list of people who are no longer allowed to attend the event. People who have misbehaved at the event or at other events are added to this list. Exchange with other events in the region is particularly important here.